Content Under Pressure

I’m learning a lot during this season, both about God and myself.  For that I’m extremely grateful.

And I’m also quite sore, frankly.  It’s been hard to keep posting these Lent posts, but I’m trying to provide an authentic narrative of my experience in participation of Christ’s death.  This has proven to be a trying time.  But, I’m confident that by sharing in our sufferings we can encourage one another.

As I mentioned a while back, when God peels away the layers that cloud our vision of him it’s painful.   These layers run deep in my life, and specifically, I think God is peeling away one in particular:  appearance.

I simply care about what others think.

I have insecurities just like everyone else.  I often struggle with the thought that I’m never taken seriously, mainly because I’m requested to say something funny by others, forcing me (in my mind) to go into performance-mode.  But, my go-to compensatory move when insecure is to always bring humor to the situation.  So, this plays right into an already bad hand.  I am quick-witted and sarcastic.  I used to think this was possibly a spiritual gift…turns out it’s not.  Any time I’m out and go into this mode, whether for the entertainment of others or insecure compensation, I return home depressed.  It’s a vicious cycle that runs me into the ground mentally and emotionally.

But why am I such a slave to this?  Why do I care so much about what others think of me?  I know that my identity is in Christ and not other people.

Or do I?

I am petitioning to God that he would reveal this issue in my life completely.  That he would help me overcome the performance.  Besides, it’s not a performance he’s after from me — it’s relationship.  This is a core issue for me, and I am grateful that he’s showing me that.  Again, when the layers are pulled back it’s painful.  But, what I hope comes from this will be cause for celebration.  I’m trying to start doing that now.

For I know Sunday’s coming.

What are you learning about God and yourself during this season?  How can I pray for you?

image: sam

I got pulled over last night…

Apparently I ran a stop sign.  I’ll admit up front that I did not come to a complete stop.  It was a total California-roll.  I don’t recall ever running a stop sign in my 13 years of driving.  Well, until last night.

My wife thought it was fairly amusing until she saw the look on my face.  You see, she not only reads my posts.  She lives with the omissions.  Lucky her…

This season of Lent is proving to be unlike any other.  I hope it’s because I’m actually asking God to kill things in my life that keep me from him.  Sure, I was serious when I talked about needing to participate in Christ’s death. But honestly, it looks a lot better written out than lived out.  This is painful stuff, man.  I’m either going to be of greater faith and character, or clinically depressed. I’m not sure which.

I don’t want to over-spiritualize this, but in a way I feel like getting this ticket is a reminder to me that some things need to die.  I immediately felt entitled to a verbal warning when the officer walked up to my car.  And I can’t imagine why, really.  I did break the law, after all.  I then pleaded my case to my wife, telling her that I’m pretty sure the car came to a stop (this is where her amusement started).  I started to blame her for distracting me, but almost immediately stopped, thank goodness.  I had so many questions in the moment, but never this one:

Why couldn’t I have just taken the time to stop?

We weren’t in a hurry.  There was no traffic.  The bottom line is that I was simply not paying attention.  It’s not that I was distracted by bad things.  My wife and I were talking on our way back from dinner.  I was enjoying her companionship.  But, it was a distraction nonetheless.  My priority should have been the road. That, in turn, would have been looking out for my wife.  I think it’s the same way with Christ.  He should be my focus.  He should be important.  Distractions should step aside.  Why can’t I just take the time to stop and see him?

Be encouraged today if you feel distracted, weighed down with different things, or just worn out.  I am all of these lately.  Let us be reminded to take the time to stop and refocus on the road.  The one he’s laid out for us.  Remember, it’s narrow, folks.  I would appreciate your prayers during this hard(but hopefully fruitful) season as I pray for you as well.

Speaking of which…how can I pray for you?

image: sam

Well, the season of Lent has officially started.   Christians will, for the next forty days, follow Jesus through his suffering and ultimately his death.  We do this in order to truly have something to rejoice in this Easter.  Lent gives us the opportunity to do some things that we’re normally horrendous at:  grieving and remembering.

Henri Nouwen has this to say about it:

A Prayer for Lent, by Henri Nouwen

How often have I lived through these weeks without paying much attention to penance, fasting, and prayer? How often have I missed the spiritual fruits of the season without even being aware of it?  But how can I ever really celebrate Easter without observing Lent?  How can I rejoice fully in your Resurrection when I have avoided participating in your death?  Yes, Lord, I have to die – with you, through you, and in you – and thus become ready to recognize you when you appear to me in your Resurrection.  There is so much in me that needs to die: false attachments, greed and anger, impatience and stinginess…I see clearly now how little I have died with you, really gone your way and been faithful to it.  O Lord, make this Lenten season different from the other ones.  Let me find you again.  Amen.

A Cry for Mercy:  Prayers from the Genesee; Image Books, 2002

Let this season be different than others.  Perhaps you’re like me and there needs to be a lot of death in your life.  Death from pride, selfishness, fear, anger.  Ask God to peel away the layers that cloud your vision of him.  Really, ask him.  When he does (and he will), ask him to do it every day.  You and I both need it, there’s no question.

But, do we really want it?

This is Kate.

Kate is six.  And, I don’t know about you, but those eyes are telling me a story.

She has an aggressive brain tumor that is ravaging both her body, as well as the hearts of many around the world who have followed her story.

I ask that you would please pray on Kate’s behalf.  Pray for amazing things.  (1) Pray that God would completely baffle the doctors with the disappearance of the tumor.  (2) Pray for Kate’s parents, Aaron and Holly, that they would have peace, comfort, clarity & wisdom through this difficult time.

Starting today, little Kate will have a year’s worth of chemotherapy administered in six days.  Since her body will be stripped of so many cells, she will need to undergo a stem-cell procedure that use healthy stems harvested before the treatment to rescue her.

As you can probably imagine, this will be a grueling period of time for little Kate physically and emotionally.  She will be isolated for several weeks to avoid infection, which has got to be horrible for such a little girl, let alone that she has a severe brain tumor.  Please pray that her heart be protected through this time, and that she know that she’s not alone in this.

God, in His infinite power, has the ability to immediately heal little Kate, so let’s ask Him to do just that.  However, if His timing is different, let us pray that He use the sufferings of this family to bring glory to His name.  And, let the McRae’s story model to us what it means to suffer well for Christ.

Please visit Kate’s caring bridge site for updates, as well as her site for more information.  Blog about her, twitter about her [with #katemcrae as the hashtag], post something on Facebook to your friends with a link to her site-use your sphere of influence to get as many people as possible to pray on behalf of this little girl.

God hears the cries of His people.  Let’s not grow weary in praying for Kate.

Ahem.  Ahem.  Is this mic on?

Madame Speaker, Mr. Vice President, Members of Congress, First Lady of the United States, and you blog readers:

I’ve come here today not only to address the distinguished men and women in this great chamber, but to speak frankly and directly to the men and women who sent me to this place.  And hear this: the state of the union is….

struggling.

I’ve been very busy as of late.  Be it personally or professionally, things seem to be popping up all over the place.  It has all caught me by surprise.

You see, I’m usually not a busy person.

Typically, if I have not had a shower on Saturday before noon, then it’s a good weekend.  I’m not lazy by any means, but I do enjoy peace, quiet and no agenda.  Well, that’s all changed.  There are some things happening that I’m pretty excited about.  I’m currently brainstorming with some folks (ODW & others) about using music to raise awareness/support for human trafficking, as well as extreme poverty.

There are some other potential ministry opportunities in the works, which have the potential of making a big difference.  On the other hand, there are other life/work stressors that are at a near-record high rate.  The combination of the two are teaming up to try their best to kill me.  Currently, I like their chances.

I think the worst part about being so busy is that I find little time to notice anything or anyone around me.  My wonderful wife is usually a casualty of this problem.  I have two standing resolutions every year:  (1) to try to better love my wife as Christ loves the Church and (2) what is(perhaps) our best resolution.  Stress and busyness cause me to miserably fail at both of these.  Struggling to find balance is beginning to take its toll.  I’m usually a very organized person, but lately I’ve felt things falling to the wayside.

That’s all for today.  A lot of irons in the fire.  Praying for clarity…that God would show me what’s important and what’s not.

How about you?  What’s your state of the union?  How can I pray for you?

Oh, and p.s.- the economy’s pretty bad, too.

image:  Brooks Kraft / Corbis for Time