Spring is upon us.

A new season.  A season of life bursting forth from the cold and dreary.

It’s often cold and dreary, isn’t it?

I write this while looking out my window in Arizona, where it is unusually cloudy and rainy.  We’ve had more rain this season than any in Arizona’s history, I believe.  Not that I’m complaining.  It will be 110° before we know it.  But for now, the environment around me is a reminder that my life has been fairly cold and dreary, especially during this season of Lent.  Perhaps I’m learning more about what it means to die to things.  Perhaps I’m just finally paying attention and listening.

I’m still not sure.

But, I am sure of one thing.  Spring is upon us.  Life is bursting forth.

My life.

Your life.

You know, a heart frozen by bitterness, cynicism and fear is a dangerous thing.  Wounds run deep, causing it to barricade itself for protection.  It thinks that by staying closed off and hardened, no one will be affected.  Instead, it lashes out in anger, tries to change appearances for acceptance or wishes for more punishment.  “Maybe if I just suffered more,” it says, “I could finally move on.”

My heart has been frozen in areas, but these areas are dying.  In their place grows a new hope.  A hope of more compassion, more humility, more Christ.  Spring has come, but some things are still frozen.  As the ice starts to melt it cracks, sending pain jolting throughout the area frozen.  This has proven to be quite unbearable at times.

The thawing of a deep freeze is nothing minor.  This takes time.  A season’s time.  It’s going to be painful.  There is no story of redemption without depravity.  But, he’s right there with me.  Through the pain.  Through me wrestling with change.

I’ve heard his whispers slowly increase in volume during this season, and now, as the season begins to change, I hear him saying…

Be thawed, and rejoice!

image: Sam

Tonight I’ll be opening up for Jeremy Casella at a house show here in Phoenix.  If you’re in the area, you can find all of the information for the event HERE.

I’m pumped to be playing some original tunes (probably 3 songs) in front of both friends and strangers who haven’t heard them.  I’m hoping to get some decent pictures of the night, along with a decent video of the songs.  Of course this is all hinging on our digital camera, so we’ll see.

I’d appreciate your prayers, as I’m sure I’ll be at least somewhat nervous.  This is not necessarily a Christian event, but the house show is definitely part of a missional approach to community.  I hope God will use the songs he gave me to impact, convict, challenge, inspire, etc.

How about you all?  Any special plans this weekend?

I’m learning a lot during this season, both about God and myself.  For that I’m extremely grateful.

And I’m also quite sore, frankly.  It’s been hard to keep posting these Lent posts, but I’m trying to provide an authentic narrative of my experience in participation of Christ’s death.  This has proven to be a trying time.  But, I’m confident that by sharing in our sufferings we can encourage one another.

As I mentioned a while back, when God peels away the layers that cloud our vision of him it’s painful.   These layers run deep in my life, and specifically, I think God is peeling away one in particular:  appearance.

I simply care about what others think.

I have insecurities just like everyone else.  I often struggle with the thought that I’m never taken seriously, mainly because I’m requested to say something funny by others, forcing me (in my mind) to go into performance-mode.  But, my go-to compensatory move when insecure is to always bring humor to the situation.  So, this plays right into an already bad hand.  I am quick-witted and sarcastic.  I used to think this was possibly a spiritual gift…turns out it’s not.  Any time I’m out and go into this mode, whether for the entertainment of others or insecure compensation, I return home depressed.  It’s a vicious cycle that runs me into the ground mentally and emotionally.

But why am I such a slave to this?  Why do I care so much about what others think of me?  I know that my identity is in Christ and not other people.

Or do I?

I am petitioning to God that he would reveal this issue in my life completely.  That he would help me overcome the performance.  Besides, it’s not a performance he’s after from me — it’s relationship.  This is a core issue for me, and I am grateful that he’s showing me that.  Again, when the layers are pulled back it’s painful.  But, what I hope comes from this will be cause for celebration.  I’m trying to start doing that now.

For I know Sunday’s coming.

What are you learning about God and yourself during this season?  How can I pray for you?

image: sam

I got pulled over last night…

Apparently I ran a stop sign.  I’ll admit up front that I did not come to a complete stop.  It was a total California-roll.  I don’t recall ever running a stop sign in my 13 years of driving.  Well, until last night.

My wife thought it was fairly amusing until she saw the look on my face.  You see, she not only reads my posts.  She lives with the omissions.  Lucky her…

This season of Lent is proving to be unlike any other.  I hope it’s because I’m actually asking God to kill things in my life that keep me from him.  Sure, I was serious when I talked about needing to participate in Christ’s death. But honestly, it looks a lot better written out than lived out.  This is painful stuff, man.  I’m either going to be of greater faith and character, or clinically depressed. I’m not sure which.

I don’t want to over-spiritualize this, but in a way I feel like getting this ticket is a reminder to me that some things need to die.  I immediately felt entitled to a verbal warning when the officer walked up to my car.  And I can’t imagine why, really.  I did break the law, after all.  I then pleaded my case to my wife, telling her that I’m pretty sure the car came to a stop (this is where her amusement started).  I started to blame her for distracting me, but almost immediately stopped, thank goodness.  I had so many questions in the moment, but never this one:

Why couldn’t I have just taken the time to stop?

We weren’t in a hurry.  There was no traffic.  The bottom line is that I was simply not paying attention.  It’s not that I was distracted by bad things.  My wife and I were talking on our way back from dinner.  I was enjoying her companionship.  But, it was a distraction nonetheless.  My priority should have been the road. That, in turn, would have been looking out for my wife.  I think it’s the same way with Christ.  He should be my focus.  He should be important.  Distractions should step aside.  Why can’t I just take the time to stop and see him?

Be encouraged today if you feel distracted, weighed down with different things, or just worn out.  I am all of these lately.  Let us be reminded to take the time to stop and refocus on the road.  The one he’s laid out for us.  Remember, it’s narrow, folks.  I would appreciate your prayers during this hard(but hopefully fruitful) season as I pray for you as well.

Speaking of which…how can I pray for you?

image: sam

It was one of those weeks last week.

You know, I find stress to be a real downer, and lately I’ve had my fair share of it.   Whether it’s work stress or personal issues, life has made it hard to follow through with my resolutions this year.  Ministry is hard a lot of times.  There have been many days lately where I feel like I have nothing left when I get home.  Nothing for my wife.  Nothing for any friends.

Nothing.

Musically-speaking, I often find comfort in the words of the Robbie Seay Band. I’ve been listening to them for years now, and their stuff keeps getting better and better.  Check out their site for some information on a new album/tour.

This particular song has always been a go-to when I’m feeling down.  It’s the title track of one of their earlier albums, Better Days.  I think the lyrics are worth a look…

Better Days by Robbie Seay

vs-1: First of all, thanks for listening to our song;
we hope this finds you driving in your car
or wherever you are, breathe out and breathe again;
and know that life is hard but it’s worth the breathing
oh listen to me now, the love of loves is waiting for you just to say…

chorus: here come better days, here come better days
better days in a better place i know

vs-2: secondly, i’m all messed up so royally
and i stumbled my way here, but wait oh wait
grace has found me and shaken up my soul
and grace will follow wherever you go
listen to me now, the grace of grace is calling for you just to say….

bridge:  green grass and I am laying in the sunlight of You
and the wind is moving through the trees, ushing You
and the better days You bring; the better places found
feasting at Your table I am overwhelmed
I lift my glass, drink to love that never gave up
clouds pass, fading into memories gone
and all I have to show for life is life and love and peace
what else could there be?

Grace.  How quickly I forget about it.

See, the truth is that I’m a mess.  I always have been.  Whenever life’s problems come my way, I am often paralyzed by fear and a ‘whoa is me’ attitude.  These are a few of the things in my life that need to die.

But the good news is that grace found me somewhere along the way and has followed me from place to place. I don’t deserve it, but that’s why it’s called grace, after all.

God loves us, and he calls us by names that you or I could never call ourselves.  Names like righteous and saints.  And he loves us without requirements.  Scripture says that we should only worry about today, for tomorrow brings enough trouble of its own. So, what are we to do when it feels like three months of tomorrows show up at once? I think the answer is to listen to the grace of grace calling us, just to say….

It’s worth the breathing.

image: sam